Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Brother Jed and his Ten Commandments

The Angry Astronomer Jon Voisey has a shameful kink: he loves listening to Fundamentalist preacher Brother Jed Smock give fire and brimstone sermons. In one particular five hour sermon, Brother Jed explicitly listed ten things which will send you on a one-way ticket to Hell.

So, without further ado, here are the Ten Commandments according to Brother Jed Smock:

Thou Shalt Not...

  1. ... drink to intoxication

  2. ... hug, kiss, or have sex before marriage

  3. ... masturbate

  4. ... listen to Rock & Roll music

  5. ... wear tight pants

  6. ... be a lesbian (especially a communist lesbian)

  7. ... be a member of a fraternity or a sorority, for lo, it is worse to be in a sorority than to be a whore because at least whores get paid

  8. ... get any part of your body pierced besides your ears

  9. ... disco dance

  10. ... be a designated driver, for this is like driving the bus to Hell

There's a certain... predictability of many of those, but gosh darn it, who knew that stopping your friends from drink-driving was one of the Deadly Sins? I wonder whether there is a special circle of Hell for friends who don't let friends drink and drive, or whether they just get dumped in the same one as disco dancers.

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