Eerily accurate psychic powers

Violent Acres [warning: strong language] has written a guide to impressing your gullible friends and family with your psychic powers:

For example, a woman sits in front of you. Her hair is dyed black and she has gone heavy on the eye make-up. She has got more than 3 facial piercings and a tattoo of miniature crows around her wrist. She is clad almost completely in black and she is carrying around a mid-sized notepad.

Label: Little Miss Ignored and Emo.

Your Reading:

“Your father molested youuuuuuuu. Nooooowww you sleep with multiple men because it’s the only way you know how to shooooowwww affection. You try to show your one night stands your crappy poetry, but no one wants to read your crappy poooooeeeetrrryyyyyy.”

Cold reading with attitude.